conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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