Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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