____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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