I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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