broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
