You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
