Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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