i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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