Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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