I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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