I just gift wrapped bread.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
