Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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