Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
