Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
