I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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