Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
