Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
