I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
