she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
