so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.