Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ladies don't puke and tell