You can't motorboat a personality
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
