he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
