there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
