she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
