omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My feet surprised me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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