I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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