There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
