my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
