that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
