(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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