i'm signing you up for texting rehab
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
