It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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