I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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