Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
