I think my fart just growled at me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
