Your dad touched me again.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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