That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
