Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
