i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
