Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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