I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
