1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.