4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.