yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
