Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
