I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
