he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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