pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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