Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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