i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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