i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
