I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
