i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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