Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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