hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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