In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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