My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
