She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
