You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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