I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
